I’ve spent the last two and a half years preparing for this hike. When I first did the math and figured out the earliest year I could (financially) feasibly do a thru-hike in, 2022 was an abstract concept. I spoke about something happening several years down the line and while I was taking little steps to make it happen, it was still more pipe dream than plan. I saved money, started looking into better ways to manage my health issues, and signed up for classes for a degree that I planned to finish prior to hiking, but it was just this far-off goal. While a long hike was something I wanted, I was not at all convinced that a thru-hike would still be my plan by the time 2022 actually rolled around.

Years down the line became year down the line, became six months, became two, and the plan is still the plan. There are still things that could crop up that could force me to postpone or cancel, but they are largely freak accidents. Somehow, by some grace, I’ve found myself here. I am two months away from a thru-hike with a body and brain that are as close to up for the challenge as I could ask for.

My life looks nothing like I thought it would when I started planning this hike three years ago. Three years ago, Delta was just an airline. Phone, wallet, keys, headphones has become phone, wallet, keys, headphones, mask. I live in a different place with different people. I have two less organs than I did when I started planning this thru-hike. I’ve now field tested gear that I hadn’t even realized I would need when I decided to do a thru. What was a pipe dream became a theoretical possibility became something far more tangible.

I’m researching resupplies, figuring out permits, making final gear decisions, staring at maps, and watching videos from previous thru-hikers.

I am researching what to do if I see a black bear, a grizzly bear, a mountain lion, if dark clouds roll in on a bald ridge, if I slip on an icy traverse, if I get lost. I am reading about alternates and making a list of ones I want to take. I am asking my doctors if there is anything else I should do before I go. I am filling a prescription for antibiotics I can take if I get bitten by a tick (to prevent Lyme disease). I am dividing 3,100 by 150 and trying not to pay attention to how absolutely absurd the number that comes out of my calculator is. I am bringing my pack, bear can and all, to the gym.

I am planning the shakedown hikes that will be the final trips I do before I leave for the big one. Coworkers are using the words when you go and I am using the words when I leave. I am making lists of the things I still need to do before I go. I am using the words before I go.

There are crampons on the coffee table, crampons that I have fitted to the boots I will start my hike in. I have a date on the calendar and my name is on a plane ticket, a bus ticket, a shuttle list.

I am not ready. I will not be ready until after I’ve finished, and maybe not even then.

I am here anyway. I am getting there. I am going.